jenaka orang politik

Pesakit ahli politik

Lima pakar bedah sedang berbincang siapakah yang boleh menjadi pesakit mereka yang terbaik untuk mereka laksanakan pembedahan.

Pakar bedah pertama berkata, "Saya suka melihat seorang akauntan di atas meja pembedahan saya, sebab apabila anda membukanya, segalanya di dalam diri mereka adalah dinomborkan. "

Pakar bedah kedua menjawab, "Ya itu mungkin betul, tapi awak patut mencuba juru-elektrik, segalanya dalam kod berwarna."

Pakar bedah ketiga menyambut, "Ohh... tidak!. Saya betul-betul meraskan bahawa pustakawan adalah yang terbaik, segalanya dalam susunan abjad."

Pakar bedah keempat pula bersuara, "Kamu semua tahu, saya sukakan pekerja binaan, mereka selalu mengetahui bila anda tertinggal barangan tertentu dalam diri mereka dan bilakah sesuatu kerja mengambil masa lebih lama daripada yang dijanjikan."

Tetapi pakar bedah kelima membuatkan mereka semua terdiam apabila beliau berkata, "Kamu semua silap, ahli politik adalah yang termudah untuk dibedah. Mereka tiada berhati perut, tiada perasaan, dan isi kepala mereka sentiasa boleh diubah-ubah. "



Lawak DUN pilihanraya

DUN yg paling sejuk . DUN Batu Berendam
DUN yg paling tak de rasa . DUN Air Tawar
DUN yg paling panas , DUN Pedas.
DUN yg paling miskin . DUN Sekupang
DUN yg paling muda , DUN Sri Muda
DUN yg paling lemah , DUN Batang Berjuntai
DUN yg paling basah , DUN Sg Besar
DUN yg kuat makan satay , DUN Kajang
DUN yg banyak hantu , DUN Pucong
DUN yg ada istana , DUN Kota Raja.
DUN yg banyak ikan , DUN Tg Sepat
DUN yg paling keras , DUN Batu Tiga.
DUN paling pendalaman , DUN Hulu Klang
DUN banyak air , DUN Ampangan
DUN banyak penganas . DUN Kuala Kubu.
DUN paling takde kemajuan , DUN Gurun
DUN paling bahaya , DUN Baling.
DUN banyak semut . DUN Kota Sarang Semut.
DUN paling pelik , DUN Sg Ada Burung
DUN ada binatang , DUN Kijang
DUN paling wangi ,DUN Pokok Sena
DUN paling tak cantik, DUN Batu Buruk


Rahasia USA

Suatu hari, seorang laki-laki berlari sepanjang jalanan kota New York dan berteriak "Bush babi!!!!!!!! "

Ia tertangkap dan dihukum 45 tahun penjara. 10 tahun untuk dakwaan penghinaan terhadap presiden, dan 35 tahun untuk "pembocoran rahasia negara".


Career Path

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path... so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home. The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home. He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the ten dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality. Then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Damn, it's even worse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"Our son is going to be a politician!" replied the concerned father.


Bush Memandu

Sewaktu Bush mengunjungi Malaysia baru-baru ini.. dia dibawa mengeliling ibukota dengan menaikisebuah kereta mewah.

Pemandu kereta mewah itu tiba2 berkata..."Tuan Cakap aje apa yang nak di ibukota ini.. saya pasti tunaikan.."

"Well", kata Bush..

"Sebenarnya saya sudah lama ingin memandu kereta sendiri. Di US.. kalau saya mahu keluar kemana-manapastinya sudah tersedia pemandu dan kereta peribadi untuk saya. Saya ingin sangat memandu sendiri.. tapi tidak pernah mendapat melakukannya. "

"Wah," kata pemandu.."Kalau itu saja permintaan tuan.. tidak jadi masalah.."

Dan kemudian merekapun bertukar tempat.

Bush memandu dan pemandu tadi duduk di belakangnya.

Tetapi bila sampai di persimpangan pertama.. Bush lupa untuk berhenti di lampu merah..
Tiba-tiba polis mengikuti kereta tersebut dan memberhentikannya. .. polis turun dari motornya, dan menghampiri kereta tersebut.

Tetapi sebaik sahaja dia mendekati.. ia melihat Bush..dan ia segera kembali ke motornya dan menghubungi pegawai atasannya.

"Tuan.." kata Polis itu"Saya baru saja menahan seorang pembesar."

"Apa?" kata atasannya, "Ketua Polis ke?"

Bukan Tuan.. dia lebih tinggi dari Ketua Kita"

"Hey, adakah kamu menahan Perdana Menteri?"

"Tidak Tuan.. malah dia lebih tinggi lagi."

"Well, siapa yang kamu tahan itu?" tanya pegawai atasan kebingungan.

"Tidak tahu Tuan.." jawab Polis. "tapi siapapun dia, yang pastinya pemandunya saja sudah Bush!"


Truth In Politics

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech.
The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation! "

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."